On The Road To Healthy

If there’s one thing I believe most women can relate to, it’s issues regarding body image and its apparent (but unnecessary) ties to self-worth. I, like many women, have spent the better part of my life struggling with these issues and trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle while knowing that my self-worth is not determined by a number on the scale. However, it’s been a tough journey.

In high school, I was a tall, awkward 5’9″ and weighed in at a slim 110. A too slim 110, I might add. At the time, I was dating a boy who made constant comments about my weight and made snide little remarks about how I could stand to shed a few pounds. As a result, I was underweight and ate next to nothing most of the time.

When I finally wised up three years later (it’s always a little embarrassing to admit that I continued to date someone who belittled me for so long), I changed my eating habits drastically. So drastically, in fact, that I gained about 50 lbs after graduating from high school.

I remember crying the first time I saw stretch marks on my thighs where my skin couldn’t keep up with how quickly I was gaining weight. Even though I desperately needed some of the weight I was putting on, I put it on much too quickly and it was the result of entirely too much beer and junk food. My weight improved, but my health did not.

That phase of my life lasted for about five years. I was consistently eating junk food, drinking too much beer, and exercising almost never. And honestly, even though I wasn’t happy with the way I looked, I never once thought about doing something to change it. I was complacent and in no hurry to change my lifestyle.

It wasn’t until I was sitting on my couch one day that I realized I needed to make a change. I looked down at my belly and it was so perfectly round that it looked like I was a few months pregnant. That snapped me out of my complacency so quickly, I damn near got whiplash.

While it wasn’t easy to start changing the way I ate, it became easier the more often I did it. I swapped out candy bars for fruit and yogurt, I traded sodium-heavy snacks for vegetables, and I gave up frozen dinners for home-cooked ones. I drank more water and less beer. And, most importantly, I started running.

I can’t express how difficult the exercise was for me at the beginning. I hated running. I hated even thinking about running. I hated that I couldn’t seem to run for more than a few minutes without getting winded and feeling cramps in my side. But day by day, minute by minute, I got better. Running got easier, I got faster, I ran longer distances, and I actually started to enjoy the way I felt, both while I was running and after my workouts were over. It was incredible.

All of those changes took place two years ago. In the last two years, my personal life has undergone some drastic changes and it has been difficult to balance dealing with the emotions from those changes and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. So, in short, I just haven’t. I stopped exercising as often and I stopped caring about whether I was eating healthy or not.

But today, that changes. And I wanted to blog about it in an attempt to hold myself more accountable for these changes (and I hope you’ll hold me accountable, too).

I signed up for a beginner’s workout calendar with my favorite fitness blogger Cassey Ho of Blogilates. I ate a clean breakfast (oatmeal with strawberries and a cup of coffee). I’ve had 32 oz of water this morning. And I’m about to complete my first workout on the workout calendar.

I miss the energy I had when I was regularly exercising and eating healthier. I miss how well I slept when I wasn’t drinking beer every day. But mostly, I miss how strong I was when I was running and doing Pilates on a regular basis.

So, here it is. My challenge to myself – to rebuild my strength and maintain a healthy lifestyle. It’s time to eat clean, train mean, and stay that way!